(tulisan ini dibuat dihari perayaan hari pernikahan kami yang ketiga, 14 Oktober 2017. Ditulis oleh Mustafa dan baru diterbitkan 13 November tahun 2019)
We stand where we did stand years ago. Still together, still with love...
Today is the first day, just as it was three years ago today.
First days have always been a reason of motivation for me to write my feelings down.
I decided to write, but only some short passages this time, just like I did two years ago. Two years ago when we experienced that adventurous journey from my motherland to yours and back. This time it will even be simpler...
I know this is only the beginning of our story. If you ask those who have already come a long way in marriage, perhaps they will laugh at us and say some words which will probably mean “You are still young and have a long way to go” etc. The only thing I’d like to tell them is “Tell me about it!”. Please don’t get me wrong. It is not a complaint about my life. Who knows where would we be if not here in this situation? Who knows what would we do now? Would we be together or they take us apart? Anyway, we are still together, still free and still lay back on the same pillow every night. And this is enough to be grateful for the Almighty Allah!
However, it is sure a turning point in our lives and it cannot be simply misprized as a period of rawness. God knows, would those (somewhat) outsiders put up such resistance if they went through the same we have been going through since the beginning of these three years? Would they go on struggling or give up just like some others who got tired even before the beginning of their stories?
How about those claiming to have the same story as us? Do they really know our story? Do they really feel what we feel?
No way I can or dare to belittle stories of others. Each story is unique. And, so mine is…
Today is a gladsome day for us. But it also is a little bit blue…
Gladsome as we have put three years behind us with all its ups and downs, blue as we have been passing through maybe the hardest time of our lives in this wild world.
I know I did not start with heartwarming words to this writing which was supposed to be simpler. At least I claimed so in the beginning but it again turned to be a complicated one. Okay, no problem I think... I remember those words I wrote for you when we sometimes were over the moon and sometimes up in the clouds with the hope to touch each other during that painful long distance time. What beautiful days they were! But isn’t today as beautiful as those? I think it is. And it is only in our hands to make it even more beautiful.
Ok…
This nonsense talk is enough I think. Now let me tell you something, my life, my wife, my everything…
You are stronger than I was thinking before and I know you will be more.
You are getting more beautiful in my eyes every single morning and night.
You are the only one who stays beside me in this hard period of life. I sometimes think like, “How can she stand such a problematic man in her life?” but you do and you are still with me, as my best and biggest supporter.
You are my love. I love you, baby. Just like the first time I wrote to you, I want to sing it out loud that I love you so much!
Please forgive all of my mistakes for these three years’ sake.
I know well that you’ve never lost your hope, but let me tell a story to you which I lived just two days ago. It was one of the strangest moments of my life.
That day (night actually) I met one of the purest humans living on earth. He is probably about 40 years old and if you don’t really know him, you may think he is a dangerous man. His face is a little bit scary and his body is strong enough to harm anyone weaker than him. But when you see the smile on his face, all these iced prejudices start to melt down.
Believe me, I told nothing to him about my past and future! He just heard that we are planning to go to that peaceful place we wish to live. You know where I mean…
But he was so sure when was expressing these words just at in the beginning of our conversation, “You will be very successful soon. Just in three years!”
I was shocked to hear this. What did he mean? How could he be so sure like he was?
Then I started to ask questions to him. He insisted on saying same words to me. “You will go to that country you want. You will stay there three years and start to be successful in the first year.”
I felt really strange and wanted to cry. But I held my tears as I was too shy to do that there.
Then I asked him again: “So, when I will leave here? What do you think about the time?”
His answer was as strange as his first sentence, “Only in three months you will leave here and go there. And you will be successful there in three years. I know you have some problems in your country now. But this is only a little problem. Don’t worry” he said. But he also warned me, saying “When you go there and become successful, don’t forget this country, these people and us. You must come back to here”.
Can you imagine how sure he was talking about my future?
Then again without hearing any words from my mouth, he said, “And you will have a baby soon. And when you have your baby, something will change…”
I will keep this “something” as a secret until that time comes. Please don’t ask anything about that? Deal? :)
Let me give two simple predictions of him to help you believe these words more strongly.
I asked him the reason why I got too many little accidents in only one week.
He said “It is because you have more jobs than before now, your economy is getting better and this is a warning for you. It says ‘Don’t forget sadakah!’ to you”. Then my friend asked him, “What do you think? Is the way going to his home safe now or not?” and he said “There is no problem. It is so safe”.
I thought about these words whole the way going home. The road was strangely empty and there was no problem until I came to the city center. And you know the end of the story and the miracle which saved me thanks to a friend waiting there with the others. No need to give more details I think :)
I was so excited to tell all of these words to you when I came back to home. But I decided to wait until this special day of us as I couldn’t prepare any beautiful gift for you this year. So please accept my simple gifts and these exciting wishes from that pure heart.
So,
What are we waiting for?
Still, I’m (putting up a resistance)
I’m gonna work it out
You know I’m (putting up a resistance)
I’ve got to work it out
Lord, I’m (putting up a resistance)
I’m ah gonna work it out
You know I’m (putting up a resistance)
I’m gonna work it out, Lord!Got to fight it!
Got to fight it!
Just listen to this song, say a prayer and relax.
Allah has the best plan for us :)
Note: By the way, I will not share this to the public until you privately read. After that, you decide. To share or not to share...
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